Memory does not find something it has lost, but creates the spiritual equivalent of an image that is too material, and let it not concern matter itself. In my first digital painting I tried to depict a distant memory. Drawing it with my mouse, shame and regret emerged within me, which, thanks to memory, took on human meaning and a moral dimension and ended up becoming remorse. What kind of remorse could I have had standing before the sight of a dinosaur and a planet with rings?

Very often regret is confused with melancholy. And when someone sees something emotionaly beautiful, they cannot rejoice in it. They can only be sad, as they have both luck and curse, realizing how temporary everything that surrounds them is. However, delving into the deeper layers of my memory, I discovered that the melancholy did not concern the beauty of the view I saw, but an even older memory. So ultimately regret was a memory that I had within a memory.

And to be precise, it concerned the primary memory of my soul, at the state of searching in the darkness for the opportunity to be realized. That is, what I was before I acquired a material existence. You see, every soul has the earthly requirement to become secular. This primary memory of the soul is the moment of its choice between rational intelligence on the one hand -that is, human hypostasis- and innate instincts on the other -that is, the non-human living being-.

Regrets therefore have to do with my soul's choice to choose the first path. Meaning the path that is de facto accompanied by free will, with the consequence of endless sadness -if it fails to harmonize the being that possesses it with the rest of the universe- and the knowledge of death, that is, the endless search for the meaning of life.

No dinosaur, no planet can intervene and change what concerns itself. In other words it cannot legislate for itself or for anything else. But I, on the other hand, choosing the rational intelligence of man and endowed with the ability to come into direct contact with the wisdom of nature, am authorized to structure the material and the immaterial that concerns me. I do not build on nature but draw from nature the knowledge and material basis to build my life. As a flying jaguar would do when building its nest.

On the other hand, if I later regretted the choice of my soul, I could live unwisely. That is, according to individualized wisdom. In short, I would be consciously deaf. As modern man does in the Western paradigm where the concept of "individuality" implies private individuality. However, in the effort to realize selfhood, I am forced to seek the "common reason" that contrasts with each person's own wisdom. The common reason is the joint, the connecting link of all people, and let almost none of them know it. It is the factor that governs everything, the common measure, the common proportion that connects the long cosmic universe with the small cosmic man. But most people live as if they have a wisdom of their own, an individual, personalized wisdom that prevents them from harmonizing with the common, universal reason and realizing the profound unity of all things.

And so, in my attempt to reconcile my external demon with my internal ethos, I isolated myself in the hut with the sole purpose of attempting to visualize -by painting- this analogy. The repulsive results of this attempt are not due to my disgusting internal world but to the continuous failure of the attempt itself.